I promised myself that I would make space for myself this year. That I would take care of myself, finally, this year. That I would love myself this year. That I would actually commit to doing what makes me happy this year and not run from myself while calling it business.
I promised myself that I would love myself this year. That I would value myself this year. That I would try my best not to take myself for granted this year – even if that means I need to hurt someone else’s feelings to do so…
Life becomes incredibly difficult when you make the conscious decision to sit in the shit you call a bed of roses and take stock of every aspect of your life without the blinders you’ve become accustomed to in your face. I guess this is where I check back in with myself and the few people who will see this post. This is my first step toward loving myself again.
The past year saw me addressing several hard truths, which led me to abandon this space. Those truths haunt and hurt daily. But they’re mine and now, I have the wonderful task of not only embracing them but dismantling the blocks and barriers that I spent decades surrounding myself with to protect me from the emotional onslaught they will no doubt bring.
Part of this journey will be in using this space to sort through my thoughts and feelings. Self-love in the name of this game. It’s not a game I’m good at or even know how to play. But in order to push past survival mode and actually thrive in this thing called life, I have no choice but to play it. Resuming writing here is a small step but a significant one in my strategy.
The goal? One post per week. right here. on a Saturday morning. regardless if it’s a sentence, a paragraph, an essay, or a novel.
This blog site will be an exercise in discipline, consistency, and more importantly, a litmus test to determine exactly how much I value and respect myself to keep my own promises.
I lost my rhythm and my rudder in 2024 being set adrift without realizing what it was… it just was. ‘Is’ is the new focus. ‘is’ is the mantra. Being present and not adrift, being disciplined and focused instead of rudderless. Being encouraging instead of diminishing my joy – what fragment of it I have left. It’s been a long time since joy was an option for me. Happiness, sure, but joy? Not so much.
It’s always been easier for me to help others, be there for them, and cheer them on. Doing the same for myself hasn’t crossed my mind for nearly two decades.
That changes now. Don’t worry, I have the ultimate cheerleader in my corner. I just have to work on believing in me. He already does.
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Song: Encourage Yourself
Artist: Donald Lawrence & The Tri-City Singers
Album: Finale: Act II
Release Date: 2006
