It’s safe to say that I have ZERO exes living in Texas. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with a cowboy though. They be sexy AF, but I digress.
I spent the first two and a half months toggling between Houston and San Antonio last spring. It was a time for rest, recalibrating my mind and navigating clusterfucks that manifested just to test my metal.
I had plans to chronicle my journey in real time and in my attempt to be savvy about things, I tried to upgrade this wonderful site’s settings.
I lost the entire site in the process. I was pissed.
Talk about throwing me off my game. I damn near set my friend’s house on fire. Ok so I’m exaggerating but you get my point. Livid almost to the point of no return, all the recalibration I worked so hard to develop in my first two weeks of travel went out the window over the next two-week period in which I tried, to no avail, to have my site restored. I could feel the pressure building in my veins as the days marched on.
I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I had to start over. It was heartbreaking. Sure, I had in mind to revamp the site in a few years. This ramped-up timeline was not something I had the noggin space to process but, it had to be done. Thanks to a new and now good friend, this new iteration was launched as a reprieve. It took another month and change to get to a semblance of what it was before.
Texas proved to be frustrating on more than one front. I imagined that I would leave my country and land a remote job and work while I travelled. I applied for several and had about four interviews while there. None of them panned out. I was ready to pack up and head back home after the first two months of travel. God, however, had other plans.
Those ‘r’s came back in full force – rest, reflection, and recalibration. I didn’t see it at the time but it’s the most glaring thing in my head now. My body required rest. I was holding on to a whole lot of anxiety and fear that I had to release. Once I did, I shed about 25 pounds. Go figure. I had to reflect. Look inward. I hadn’t done this since 2020 during the lockdowns. This was and still is difficult for me to do but I pushed through and the work began to pay off.
Texas was, in fact, a new starting point.
I learned a lot in Texas. I began to dig deep and get serious about my weight loss goals there. I made up my mind to become celibate there. I got closer to Jesus there. I began to break out of my shell there and establish those boundaries I was so afraid to build.
I did my first 24-hour fast there. And then made it a weekly habit, one I should really give a reprise.
I built a morning routine there. I’m working on developing an evening one to complement it. I began to tap into my creativity there.
Texas gave me the time and space to develop the tools I didn’t know I needed to move forward in life.
In between frustrations were a few great experiences:
- I saw Brian McKnight in concert. I’ve always loved his voice. His set consisted of old and new music and was a refreshing revelation to experience an older, happier artist who is so in love with his family that he had the entire auditorium in tears at one point.
- Texans like playing with fire. Literally. Why on earth would the state sanction a gas station with more than 100 pumps in one location is still baffling. It’s a disaster waiting to happen. Those pulled pork sandwiches though. Buc-ee’s is boss for that creation. Still not gonna take a pic with the damned beaver out front.
- I drove and got lost (for 10 minutes) in San Antonio for the first time. Talk about exhilarating. Why is everything so much bigger in Texas? LOL!
- The Silos in Houston. We never got to go inside but they were beautiful.
- I had the largest donut in my life courtesy of Voodoo Donuts. Could not finish it in one go but it was freaking fabulous.
- I launched a podcast. That went to shit almost as soon as I started. It gave me great insight into what I am capable of. It got me to push past fears and former lines I had drawn in the sand for myself. I’m grateful for that.
- I turned 43 in Humble. It was a humbling experience at that. I was alone. Alone but not lonely. It was quiet and uneventful and refreshing and I had a cupcake and wine and I was happy. Birthdays don’t get any better than that.
The greatest part for me was spending time with my girlfriends and their families.
Being able to actually talk face to face and not virtually in itself was a treat. I missed hugs. It’s a part of life I never thought I’d care about but a really great hug from a friend whether it’s just to say, ‘hi’ or after an overwhelming ordeal, a hug can do so much for you.
My Goddaughter is seven going on 17. I was and wasn’t ready for that. My Godson is growing faster than his mom can mentally process. It’s as beautiful as it is scary but that’s not my story to tell so I’ll leave it at that.
Can I just say my girlfriend rock? They gave me space to breathe but also gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) nudges to figure my shit out and make a plan for my life. Some tough questions were asked that I still haven’t articulated the answer to for myself. My goal for this journey was to live in the moment, not plan. I had spent most of my life planning. Setting dreams and desires aside while I planned without actually living.
I wrote down the questions and vowed to answer them this year if I got to experience it and That’s what I’m doing now that I’m back home. I’m taking each question one at a time and working on the best answer for me and not framing it in a way that other people would want me to. That part was hard but the answers are coming and I’m glad for them.
The start of my journey last year saw hope quickly turn into anxiety and worry that damn near robbed me of the entire experience. I’m glad God stepped in and nudged me back on track to continue and complete my trip. Turns out there was nothing to worry about, only a pivot in play that I had to see through.
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Song: Don’t You Worry Bout A Thing
Artist: Stevie Wonder
Album: Innervisions
Release Date: 1973
