Blueprint

A perfect balance of exhilarating flexiblity and the effortless simplicity of the Code Supply Co. WordPress themes.

The ultimate publishing experience is here.

Jireh

…more than enough

I broke my promise to myself last week.

I didn’t post.

Granted I got blindsided by some news that I didn’t expect, and I had to adjust to my new reality almost immediately. It stung and I lost focus.

I ate my feelings and tried to have a two-day pity party for myself. God wasn’t on my run though.

In the last eight days, I’ve managed to embrace my new reality with a vigour I didn’t seem to have before now. I can only credit Him with this snapback discipline. It sure as heck ain’t me.

I fought tooth and nail to be sad. He wasn’t having it.

The Confidant

I tried to let go and allow the spiral to happen and then I got the first call. One of the women in life tribe was having a mini meltdown because she had gained some weight in the last two years. My brain immediately shifted gears, and I began walking this cancer-surviving superstar through the need to give herself grace as she was still recovering from a series of surgeries that had her down for the count for over 15 months.

We got her in a better headspace, and, for a moment, the tell-tale signs of my spiral decided to make themselves known. I was about to make her shit all about me with my loathing. The snapback was real though. I got my ass checked for this behaviour by another life tribe member last night. It too stung but it was a course correction that was much needed.

She is doing better, and I am happy about that.

The work sister

For some reason, my body was still determined to experience this bout of depression and so the next day the pity party began with a little more coffee creamer in my morning cup of joe than there should have been. I managed to eat half a large pizza that day and was about to really lose my ish. And then it happened again.

Another friend who was helping me navigate the uncertainties of life received an untimely blow to her world as a loved one was taken off life support. I was once again thrust into the consoling driver’s seat. It was effortless to switch gears. Then again, that’s what friends are for.

She was already on my prayer list. Her grief just called for adjustments. There wasn’t much else I could do with an ocean separating us other than lend a supportive ear.

I think it was at that moment that I fully snapped out of my ‘cycle’ and thanked God for my new reality. My trials are a mere annoyance in the grand schemes of this life we live.

Because it could have been so much worse.

Don’t get me wrong, my mind and body went on the fritz with an internal duel. As I was comforting my friends my body was revolting. It was ready to binge and sit back and get into a routine I am all too familiar with – one that would have me in the doldrums longer than needed, more unproductive than desired and worse for wear than I am today. Fighting the desire to retreat to that comfort zone is ongoing.

But I guess this is why faith, my faith, is so important. I trust Him and I trust in Him for everything nowadays. It’s a far cry from the old me just seven years ago before my baby left me for that big pot roast in the sky. (Sheba was a bougie bitch)

Suddenly, life has new meaning – to me. (Lord, help me focus and get off the musical tangents.)

The blind side

So, what prompted my spiral?

Nothing but the devil. Friday morning, I was purchasing flowers to kick off a week’s worth of meetings for my team. By Friday afternoon I was shutting down all operations and cancelling two months’ worth of plans.

I can’t exactly put into words what I felt last week. The closest I can get is disbelief. It’s hard to describe because it was so new. I’ve never experienced anything like it.

That’s power for you though.  With the flick of a pen and someone changing their mind, an entire unit of people—working together across different countries to make something good happen for another—has to shut down operations immediately.

All those hours of work, stress, and effort—just gone because one person said no. It was a tough pill to swallow. But swallow I did, and it was one hell of an experience. I’ll give you that.

It set off a chain reaction that I should have seen coming. It felt like an out-of-body experience, watching it happen. All of my stressors kicked in, and I was in free fall in my mind, trying to come to grips with what was happening around me and to me. I didn’t react well. I didn’t manage it well.

Which meant I didn’t sleep well.

And now, the reset button had to be pressed. I didn’t have a choice. And that’s okay. What happened, happened. There’s nothing I can do.

Or is there?

I guess this is where pivoting comes in—adjusting to your environment and circumstances. You just keep moving, regardless of what’s going on around you.

How?

I don’t even know what my job looks like anymore. Because some guy decided to change his mind. It’s almost comical when you take a step back. One person changes his mind, and 15 people are left in limbo. Events are cancelled, and flights are cancelled. And we just have to sit tight and wait it out.

Or do we?

I couldn’t write last weekend. I did not handle the ‘whiplash’ well. That sucks. Then again, it was a new experience. And I tried to manage it the way I usually do. But He wasn’t having it.

The Way

He had other plans. He threw me into crisis mode helping others and removing myself from the equation. I had the opportunity for two days to delve into a depressed state, but God said no, and I am grateful.

Today, I’m going to enjoy the cool breeze that’s pushing through. As long as it doesn’t snow like it did in Florida, I will be fine.

I will never forget the last eight days. I will never forget the rollercoaster of emotions I felt and the swift realignment that happened afterwards.

How do I feel now? Flabbergasted? Scared? Nah. I’m not there.

Fascinated. Relieved. Those are more apt.

Today’s a new day. Today I give myself grace for not writing and posting last week and present you, my dear reader, with this post. Today I encourage you to experience… enough.

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Song: Jireh
Artist: Elevation Worship, Maverick City Music
Album: Old Church Basement
Release Date: 2021

Total
0
Shares
Leave a Reply
Prev
100 Ways…

100 Ways…

…to love yourself (and, eventually, others)

Next
Mahna Mahna

Mahna Mahna

… and the bold attempt to stay the course while life performs its beautiful

You May Also Like