I’ve been working on a kinetic prayer. One that is perfect and sums up everything I’ve been feeling inside lately so that I could have the right words to say to The Big Guy every morning.
It’s taken several people (and several weeks) for it to finally be engrained in my head that the word ‘perfect’ is a human construct for things we can never attain.
For even the most ‘perfect’ person in our eyes has a myriad of flaws that would astound the most desirous of us.
This… pressure to be perfect is the inspiration of this soundtrack. This movement of words will be broken up over a series of articles. Read them in order or not. It’s up to you.
I wasn’t inspired to do this. It became the natural progression to follow up launching this space.
Um, boom, bah, bay
You see, silly me thought the heavy lifting was done. I had spent months with a web developer to create this site, fine-tuning aspects of it – the colours and ambience, essentially making this thing as ‘Me’ as I possibly could. Then I mapped out what I wanted to write and when I wanted to release the posts. Yeah, yeah, I can plan the hell out of something I’m passionate about.
But tricks are for kids and prostitutes and wives (and side pieces).
I launched a blog and immediately suffered a case of writer’s block.
Mutherfucker!
This is ourselves… under pressure
While the core concepts of what I wanted to write about were right there in front of me, the words to accompany them had vanished.
I tried coming at this thing from different angles and approaches only to be stonewalled by my very own noggin. The repository was empty, and I felt like I was up shit creek. A brand-new space to unload my thoughts and absolutely nothing to unload.
Then the stress came. Thoughts that I had made a huge mistake rose to the surface, accompanied by a shit ton of self-doubt. I wasn’t good enough. My writing not good enough. My ideas weren’t good enough.
Then one day I’d had enough.
LET ME OUT!
And so, on this awesome rainy Saturday in October, I began to write.
Oh, pressure still reared its ugly head a bit but fuck her. I’m sick of this bitch and her BFFs – hesitation, doubt and fear.
What I’m going to do instead is just write about her silly ass and her whacked out friends and see what comes out of it. Hopefully, my editor doesn’t think I’m bat shit crazy for sending her an entire soundtrack.
I gotta purge this shit before I can move on and take a deep dive into my past relationships.
Here goes everything.
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Song: Under Pressure
Artist: Queen & David Bowie
Album: Hot Space
Release date: 1981
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